I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize