I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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