What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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