He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
