From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize