sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
