Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
