I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
