I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
