When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
