It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
a search helicopter?!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
