Im at strip club and am horny
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
