he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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