Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
