I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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