Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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