wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize