I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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