The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
