He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
