Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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