yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
