The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
