I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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