saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think my fart just growled at me.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
