he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
