Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
