Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
