dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Dicks are not precious.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
