I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
