My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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