I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
