i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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