Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
