I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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