So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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