Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you never un-have a 4some
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
