I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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