i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
