I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
