Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
