Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
