I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
ttyl tear gas
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
