I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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