There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
