even my farts smell like vagina
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The feeling are messing with the penis
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
