Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Mom said you looked used
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
