dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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