she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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