I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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