i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I understand Curling. That high.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
