Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
