Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
