just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you win again, gameday.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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