Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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