Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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