my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
