I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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