I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
