i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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