We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
