By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she pinky promised me she was 18
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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