I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
