I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
do nipples grow back?
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